Member-only story
I Spent 30 Years Living With Debilitating Anxiety
One simple action helped me cope.
My anxiety started around the age of 5 or 6. My family and I had enjoyed the day at the Dixie Days festival in town. We petted animals, ate some food, and wandered the craft section. I’m pretty sure I bought some earrings, but that part is fuzzy. There was nothing out of the ordinary that I remember. We went to my grandparents’ house to visit for a couple of hours after the festival, then headed home under the full moon. The next part isn’t fuzzy at all. I remember it just like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the back of the van just staring out at the bright moon. I wasn’t thinking about anything, just staring at this massive, heavy, and powerful thing. That’s the funny thing about anxiety. Sometimes it manifests due to some subconscious thing. Some deep thought or emotion bottled tight spun loose. All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. I had been on this earth for 5 or 6 years and was already deeply wounded and somehow figuring out how to hide my insecurities. That kind of energy sparked at such a young age is embedded in your soul and becomes part of you. Layers are created around your soul to protect it and subsequently hide it. It still is thirty years later. As a matter of fact, I still think of that moment any time I gaze at a full moon.
