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I Had a Miscarriage
Just like that, a dream was gone. Just like that, my baby was gone.
It was a Thursday morning a little over a month ago — the doctor came in and immediately said, “I’m so sorry. There is no longer a heartbeat.” But, I just heard the heartbeat the week before. It was strong and healthy. What happened? What did I do wrong in the last few days? Just like that, it was gone. The dream was gone. The light was gone. Just like that, my baby was gone.
She called it a missed miscarriage.
Those next few days were a bit of a blur. It was just sadness, but I held it together. Something deep down held out hope that they were wrong. Part of me really thought I would go in on Tuesday and they would hear a heartbeat. So, I contained those raw emotions and held them close…just in case.
The wait for Tuesday was…weird. Nothing had happened. The pregnancy hormones were still raging. I had no cramping. I had no bleeding. So, that little bit of hope stayed lit. However, part of me was grieving already. Most of me knew that tiny life in me had passed. And, the doctor confirmed it. But, I kept it together. The worst part was still yet to come, right?
When I had to go back a couple of weeks later I began to feel some of the emotions I was expecting but had been avoiding and pushing down. All the women in the waiting room were…
